Saturday, May 29, 2010

Bonus Post: Why Write?

I write when I'm angry, when I'm sad, when I'm bored and when I have so much to say I feel like my heart/brain will explode into a spatter on my recently vacuumed floors.

Mostly I write because it's sometimes the only proper way to voice what you have to say. Sometimes spoken words aren't warranted, wanted or properly timed. How many times have you wanted to voice how you feel about something, just to see that eloquence has failed you and your feet taste like mud?

Sometimes I find myself wondering what Evelyn would do in my situation. She's is, by far, my favorite character that I have created. Sadly, I always know what she would do... bash some skulls together. Heh, that's just who she is.

P.S. I'm not crazy.

I guess though, if I'm being honest with myself, I write because I think I'm relatively good at it. I'm horrible (great?) at always thinking I can do things better than everyone else can. Perhaps that's why I'm an organizational freak. I second guess everything I do, thinking I could always do it better. Whether it's rearranging the furniture in a room, internally correcting my professors' lessons plans, internally fixing relationship problems or daydreaming for hours about the magic I could work with a time machine.

P.P.S. Daydreaming about time machines can be a very sad treat for the mind. I recommend refraining.

So writing, is a way for me to fix the problems I see in literature. I can make every character better, every scene sharper, every awkward dialogue exchange clearer. At least, that's what I tell myself.

The problem is that I feel as if I'll never been done with my book. Sometimes for weeks on end, I won't even pick up a project, convinced that my words are too far flawed to ever be fixed. That I should just scrap it all and start over. In the words of Ward - "Ruined, not broken."

I need confidence. Or a therapist. Did I already mention I'm not crazy?

Above all, however, I can say I write because it makes me happy. It makes me  happy to finish a page or a chapter. It makes me happy to surprise myself with side plots and character defects. I like the development and the suspense. And there is NO other feeling like that which occurs when you type the last period of the epilogue. Sitting back, flexing your sore fingers, rubbing your bloodshot eyes and (in my case anyway) standing up and dancing around the living room.

So that's why I write. In more than a nutshell. Just answering an emailed question with probably more words than the sender would have requested.

P.P.P.S. Thanks for emailing, and sorry for all the wind.

 <3, Bethany

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