But, internal musings aside, I'd be delighted to hear some of your thoughts on this (completely new and revised) first 300ish words. Disclaimer: This hasn't been seen by anyone but me. Feel free to make ANY corrections. My poor beta reader has been run through the mill with this book haha. (Hugs to Ebyss!)
Shivers ran down my arms, and I cradled my purse to my chest. It wasn’t just the chill of the parking garage; something was wrong.
Taking a deep breath against the ensuing tingle of other minds, I lowered the barriers that usually protected my brain in public. Close to midnights on campus, there wasn’t a lot of activity to bombard me. Except for one familiar signature.
“Chloe?” My voice was hoarse, barely resonating a yard in front of me in the empty parking garage.
The sound of one of my students struggling made my shoulders tighten in surprise. Her thoughts were already quieter than they had been a moment ago. I closed my eyes to focus, to see what she was seeing. A rag of foul tasting chemicals over her mouth, unbearable pressure squeezing her from behind. She slapped at the man, tried to scratch him, but it was no use. She was fading fast.
I dropped my purse and shot off toward the elevator bay. It took two tries to get my shaking fingers to press the call button. Another mind sharpened. It wasn’t the same sensation as Chloe’s normally simple signature. The energy was fierce and angry.
My fist pushed into my eyes and my teeth ground. A glimpse inside of the man’s head pushed me into action. I closed my eyes and focused on Chloe before sprinting down the two flights of stairs to the third floor landing area.
Jagged pieces of the smashed security camera lay scattered over the floor . Turning towards the elevator doors, I felt the man’s mind enter mine again. He was hoping the person who had called for the elevator wasn’t on this floor.
I crouched as I frantically searched the small area for something to act as a weapon. The doors started to slide open and my gaze fell to a broken piece of camera. The plastic curved like a scimitar and my hands trembled as I picked it up. Tested it’s weight. Silently, I positioned myself beside the mechanicals doors. Waiting for them to emerge. . Chloe’s red hair came first. Her carefully constructed curls were tossed over her face, blocking it from view. He carried her over his shoulder like a limp sack, knocking her head against the elevator opening as he started towards the exit.
Okay. Thoughts? Opinions? I'll be biting my nails in the corner if you need me.