Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Query Letter Post

Alright. Help me shred this thing into submission? Pwetty pwease?

Specs - MARTYR is complete and in it's very final revision. It's 75K and is a Paranormal Thriller.

Jamie's edits with a few minor changes --- what you guys think??

Evelyn Harper is no damsel in distress. A lifetime of childhood abuse and uncontrollable telepathic abilities have taught her to rely only on herself. But when she intercept the thoughts of a woman being attacked, Evelyn makes the choice to break one of her own rules. Never get involved. 

Chloe, the woman she saves, is the daughter of a controversial senator. She also happens to be everything Evelyn wishes she could be - frivolous, funny, trusting, and, kind. Despite her reservations,  Evelyn is drawn to the woman. But Chloe's family has their own secrets. When members of her father’s household start turning up dead, she turns to Evelyn for help.

Having a friend is rare, but keeping one harder. With her knack for survival, and a supernatural arsenal, Evelyn is determined to find out who’s threatening Chloe, and stop them. No matter what it takes. 

The path to vengeance leads her straight into the torturous hands of a corrupt political game. Now Evelyn must decide if opening herself to others is worth the price - her life.


  1. Aww, look at the puppy! How can I resist those eyes :) I've take a stab at two versions of a query. I'm sure they're not spot on, since I haven't read the story, but maybe you can use or tweak them.

    I will email them over to you. Hopefully they'll be a little helpful!

  2. Effing wunderful! Only tweak from me is to lose the cliche "like a moth to a flame," and just end the sentence with "drawn to the woman."

    Otherwise, this is your best query, fo' rillz! Rock on, Bethany.

  3. Oh my goodness, thank you J.M.!! I seriously owe this one all to Jamie, though. She's the mastermind who put this together.

    It's great to be getting some confidence back. It's helping jumpstart my revising process like you can't believe.

    P.S. - First chapter being posted soon :)

  4. Wow! It's come along way! Kudos kiddo!

    I have another 72 hour grueling week ahead of me...when it's finished, I'm back to editing...wish me luck!

  5. Nice post about queries, etcetera at the Book View Cafe Blog:

    I tinyURL'ed it myself. Ain't you proud of me?

  6. Kim, I always wish you luck!!

    Also, J.M. - thanks for that link. That's amazing.